Hades and My Office: Similarities?
Yes. I am referring to Hell. Not because of my office’s wondrous abilities to enact policies that are not ready to be adopted. Or their ability to make everything so much harder than it should be. No, no, not at all. Rather, the actually temperature of my office.
See, I’m one of the lucky ones; I don’t work in a cubicle. I have an office and it’s a pretty sweet office that smells of Green Tea Citrus Febreeze sticks protruding out of a jar of scented oil thing. It has the little Geico money guy staring at you as you walk into the door, and there is a bobble head Darth Vader judging you as you sit down. Then you see the bright blue ball with eyes. ”What is that?” you think in your head, but you don’t know and are scared to ask. ”Who is this man with half a beard and kinda long hair, yet dressed ever so professionally doing in this office? Surely he will not speak to me about money?” Well, I am going to speak to you about money and that blue ball thing with eyes is a Pigmy Puff, which you would know of if you read/watched (read, preferably) Harry Potter. You would do best not to anger me. I am known as the Money God in these here parts.
Wait…I got lost. What was I talking about? I started talking about Geico money dude and Harry Potter, and lord knows when I get started about Harry Potter, everything else is as important as…well…Nothing. It’s not important at all. Harry Potter takes precedence to life. Hot office! That’s what I was talking about. Alright, let’s move on.
My office is pretty awesome, as I mentioned previously, but the temperature is never right. It’s freezing outside; my office is 102 degrees. It’s 102 degrees outside; my office is 102 degrees. I can’t win! I requested to have it fixed and they said they did, but I couldn’t tell you if they did. They even showed me where the thermostat that controls my office is located. The reason why they showed me that is because one day it was 102 degrees outside, and surprise!, so was my office. It was also set on “heat” rather than “cool.” Yeah. Lame. But I’m pretty sure they’re just messing with me, because though I am able to adjust it from “heat” to “cool”, I can’t adjust the actual temperature. It sits there, laughing at me, no matter how many buttons I press or the combination of buttons I mash.
I ended up requesting a small desk fan, since i’ve seen it before in other peoples offices. That was shot down too, as apparently we don’t provide those to our employees who our busy slow roasting in their offices; this is something you bring in from the outside. First of all: Fuck That. Second of all: no. If I dipped my head into molten magma, you can say, “Well the reason why you’re hot is because you are an idiot. You can buy your own desk fan.” But I didn’t do that. If I did, I wouldn’t complain. Actually, I probably would a little bit. I like attention. But all I do is come in to the office and “work” from time to time. Do I not deserve a desk fan? Some of my coworkers have freezing cold offices. They sit twenty feet away in a different office. I refuse to believe the department has an AC unit while my lone office, who seemingly angered God, boils slowly and continuously.
Sometimes the air conditioning kicks on for a couple of minutes every three to four hours. I can hear the laughter coming out of the ducts. Maybe if I’m quiet, the air conditioning Gods won’t think I’m here and will continue pumping beautiful cool air into my…crap. They heard me.
