Blow Up The Moon?
About time. The Moon has had it way too easy these past billions of years (thousands, if you’re dumb). NASA has already launched a rocket to drop a bomb into a crater that may contain water. This crater, which is on the South pole of the moon, will soon have a brand new crater inside of it. By bombing a crater, they’ll be able to tell whether or not there is any water because of the water vapor this bomb will kick up (along with a 30 mile high plume of ash). This is a CONSPIRACY! One that i am about to make up, right now.
We all know that the moon has had close ties with Hezbollah for the past decade, and that it has been a haven for terrorists on the run. We’ve witnessed truck and train movements on the Moon increase by 35%. What does this tell us? The Moon is getting ready for a space war. The Moon circles the Earth so quickly, it’ll have the ability to bomb every major city in the world in 24 hours, if it plays it’s cards right. We need a preemptive strike to stop them in their tracks.
The Mooninites have been overly secretive about their nuclear stations. They say it’s for energy purposes, but you and I know, that this is complete bullshit. They have repeatedly refused the UN to inspect the stations, stating that under Article IV of The Inter-Spatial Neutrality and Peace Among the Stars Act (commonly known as the Space Act), that they are not under control of the UN or any Earthly organization. What they fail to realize, however, is that we are all united. Even North Korea thinks that these guys are messed up. And if Kim Jong Il thinks you’re crazy, then you must be fucking nuts.
An Earth as united as we now see it has never before been seen. All the countries of the world are united (except Switzerland, who wants no part of anything, ever) and ready to take on the threat that is the Moon. Even though most countries sent aid to the Moon when they fell into a deep recession, they all have expressed intention to bomb the Moon’s most tactical positions i.e. roads, nuclear stations, train tracks, civilian homes, post offices, schools, grocery stores, government buildings, etc.
An ultimatum has been sent to the Mooninites, though a response has yet to be received by the Global Task Force of Space (commonly known as the Space Spelunkers). If no response is received by the Space Spelunkers, the bomb will be dropped and the ship carrying the bomb will also crash land on to the Moon. The bombing will take place at 7:31am Eastern Standard Time.
Get your 10+inch telescopes ready for a bombing of the Moon that will undoubtedly go down in history as the best bombing the Moon has ever seen.
